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“So, I have a great success story that may give hope to those in the trenches…I was asked to speak in sacrament meeting on “How I Know That the Gospel is True” and how if you just pray about something then you’ll get an answer (ARGH!!) I spent two rough weeks and a very late night putting together version after version, trying to strike the right balance between subversion and love. I ended up giving a rather ……unconventional talk on how I don’t see black and white anymore; I know that the Church is NOT true, that the Spirit does not always testify of truth, and that we should not say “I know that the Church is true” or at least clarify what we mean by it. I explained that sometimes we focus too much on getting witnesses that this or that is true rather than believing in and talking about Christ and His grace and living by faith.
I used my old job researching cosmic rays and the machinery we used to track them to explain that all the instruments that are supposed to help us draw nearer to God (leaders, scriptures, temples, church, organization, prayer) require an error measurement to account for inaccuracies and uncertainties in the machinery. I said that some of the scriptures were not God’s word (gave examples), that President Brigham Young was flaming crazy and leaders can be wrong (gave examples), and that not all impressions come from the Spirit. I said that the church is not true because the church changes, that we believe that God will yet reveal many great and important things, and that we must be open about these changes: “who knows, maybe women will receive the priesthood or God will reveal more about gender and families than we previously understood. We have to be open about receiving more light or it won’t come.” I was definitely the only woman in the congregation wearing pants.
This is the awesome part, that very morning my bishop asked if I would be the Young Women’s President, so I was sustained as the YW President and then gave this whopper of a talk as the last speaker.
And the stake president was there, and he went straight to me afterwards (I went and sat down with my family) and he told me he loved it, and how it had inspired him. Ten other people came up and said they loved it too, including one of the missionaries. The bishop taught Sunday School and he mentioned my talk several times, particularly how leaders are imperfect. My husband said that in priesthood meeting it was also brought up a couple of times in connection with obedience. YW was awesome and open. Then I went to ward council for the first time (we were not invited when I was a missionary – another good change) and I fully participated.
My first act as Young Women’s President will be to add “and Heavenly Mother” , to the YW theme. “We are daughters of our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother, who love us, and we love Them.” I did it with my Young Women in the Marshall Islands so why stop there?
This is why I must stay in the church, even though some people, policies drive me crazy- (It was much worse growing up in Utah), because I have the capacity to change things that need to change, even if it makes people feel uncomfortable and challenges cultural norms.”
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At the time, years ago, when I read this I was astonished! As I watched family members I knew praise this person’s story online, I emailed several friends in dismay:
“Okay, excuse me for saying but it is not my wish to have the church simply absorbed into the popular culture around it. THIS is why you stay in the church???? To diminish My child’s faith in the prophets and replace it with your own doctrine???
She speaks of FAITH, and has none for prophets called of God to lead her. She in fact mocks them. She speaks of greater light and knowledge while belligerently rejecting what has been given.
This brings out Mama Bear instincts in me. I believe the scriptures. I believe the prophets. Yes even Brigham Young. I believe the Spirit testifies. I believe prayers are answered.
THAT is what I wish my children would hear about when I take them somewhere as simple as ………..church.
Love you all,
Amy”